Heaven Bound ... Not Yet

There are moments in time when people may feel the overcast of oppression.  It is a unique sensation that presents itself in the incomplete forms of depression, anxiety, or anger; to name a few.  For people of the Christian faith, it is a matter of balance and survival between their heart, mind, soul, spirit, as well as their physical strength.

For the past couple of days, I have felt as though I am living out the eve of an overcast of oppression.  My spirit is being bombarded from every side and I am crying out to God, “Take me now”; implying that He would take me out of this world and into His heavenly realm.  

I am ill content with everything that surrounds me.  I have witnessed little to no advancement in my educational, employment, and spiritual development.  I find myself in the mist of people who do not understand or comprehend me well enough to communicate well with me; even less to discuss how I can combat this overcast of oppression.  My spiritual stand is also being challenged by some people, yet these people have not listened well enough to comprehend my position, even less why I refuse to deviate from it.  I desire to serve God with my being, but find myself restrained by people who may be classified as Pharisees and Sadducees of this day in age.  

I continue to sense that I am a foreigner within a city in which I am suppose to call my hometown.  My way of thinking and behavior are seldom like that of the local citizens.  I find myself often reminiscing on my days of old, when I used to live outside of this city but also work alongside people who were foreigners to this city as well.  Although there were challenges in those days, there was a sense of contentment for what was there ... I even encountered joy in those days; something I seldom encounter now a days.  

I find myself experiencing challenges in my sleeping cycle.  My mind is either too active with running thoughts or my body is not tired enough for lack of a full-time work day in my life.  In either case, I find myself tiring myself through faith-based or culture films, doing topical scripture studies, listening to or playing music (acoustic guitar), as well as singing songs of faith that call out for His help towards the present condition of my inner being.

I no longer perceive myself to be competent for anything.  All to frequent now, I find myself not giving my best as unto my Lord, Christ Jesus.  I simply desire to bring all areas of my life to a close and to be with God.  Yet as the Apostle Paul states, “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.  But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell.  For I am hard pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.  Nevertheless, to remain in the flesh is far more needed for you.” (Philippians 1:21-24).  Hence, I find myself in a similar state in my inner being.  By my accord, I am done with the things of this Earth. However, by God’s accord, He is not done in using me for the things or people that remain within it.  
In closing, although there are moments in time when a person may perceive themselves at the end of all things, there may still be more that lays beyond the scope of their sight for their lifespan.  God does not always present the whole picture of a person’s lifespan, but He does present glimpses that help people press forward towards the start of a new day.